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In the recording with Tarochin and Shiohigari, the evolution of their lives intertwined with friendship was discussed, showcasing their unpretentious humor and sincere reflections. I plan to delve deeper into Tarochin’s unique “youth” that emerges through his experiences as a member of the “internet generation,” exploring his distinct growth process and quest for self-expression.
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### Tarochin’s Youth and Self-Exploration
Born in 1985, Tarochin grew up during a time when Japan faced economic difficulties following the bubble burst, coinciding with the rapid spread of the internet. His generation is often referred to as “digital natives,” being the first to grow up familiar with the internet from a young age. He encountered the internet in middle school and began expressing himself online by creating “text sites,” marking the start of his self-publishing journey. Despite harboring skepticism towards formal education and societal frameworks, the support from his parents, who encouraged him to “do what he wants,” provided him the freedom to explore his identity.
The phrase “Little Hiroyuki,” frequently mentioned by Tarochin and Shiohigari, reflects the atmosphere of the time when internet forums and blogging culture emerged, stimulating the self-awareness of young people. Tarochin’s questioning of “who decided what compulsory education is” resonates with his drive for self-exploration beyond the confines of school, suggesting that his intellectual curiosity and courage to choose his own path were nurtured through the internet.
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### Growing Up with the Internet
Tarochin began streaming game commentary on Niconico Douga around 2008. At that time, video streaming platforms were in their infancy, and streamers formed a loosely connected community, akin to “peers.” The presence of a streamer he admired, Shinsuke from the “Yutori Group,” greatly inspired him, and through his commentary activities, he gradually built his own space. In this era, when the number of streamers was still low, there were many opportunities for them to gather and deepen their connections. This early Niconico Douga culture can be seen as Tarochin’s “digital youth.” It is also interesting to note that this led him to connect with famous streamers and gain opportunities as a writer.
At that time, Niconico Douga was recognized by many young people as a “platform for self-expression,” fostering an environment where they stimulated each other and explored their online identities. This growth through the internet complemented the “uncertainty of reality” that he felt in his twenties, becoming a crucial element supporting his individuality and inner self.
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### Friendship with Shiohigari and the “Sadness of Knowing” in Their Twenties
The friendship between Tarochin and Shiohigari reflects a bond of “best friends” who have supported each other through difficult times. In particular, Tarochin’s expression of “wandering the streets in my twenties, knowing sadness” encapsulates the memories of overcoming loneliness and anxiety faced after entering society. They would often drink together several times a week, sharing their daily worries and frustrations. As Tarochin reflects on that period as “wandering the streets,” it is evident that friendship served as a source of emotional support for him when he could not find “stability” in reality.
Later, Tarochin pursued a career as an editor at Netorabo, while Shiohigari began to find success as a freelance illustrator, leading to changes in their relationship. Although they would talk about “doing something interesting again” when they gathered, it often did not materialize. However, now that Tarochin has returned to freelancing, he seems to be regaining “himself” at his own pace, as he embarks on new challenges with close friends as a “long-awaited unemployed.”
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### Life’s Turning Points and Support from “Elephant Kashimashi”
A particularly memorable episode in Tarochin’s life is his connection to the song “Our Tomorrow” by Elephant Kashimashi. This song expresses the “sadness and love of the teens, twenties, and thirties,” serving as a “theme song for life” that has motivated him. The lyrics sung by Hiroji Miyamoto, the vocalist of Elephant Kashimashi, resonate deeply with Tarochin’s experiences, leaving a profound mark on his heart.
The feelings of “rebellion against the world” in his teens, “sadness” in his twenties, and “responsibility and love” in his thirties are reaffirmed through this song, making it “music to affirm himself.” The music of Elephant Kashimashi transcends mere entertainment, becoming a guiding principle in his life and a support for living strongly from within.
Ultimately, Tarochin’s life is a journey of continuously exploring “what it means to be oneself,” marked by acceptance of failures and changes. His experience of being forced to stop drinking reveals a determination to reassess himself, moving away from alcohol as a form of “escape.” As he seeks new paths through illness, he is in the process of standing on his own feet after experiencing an end to “drinking,” and there are high expectations for his future activities.
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### “Imitation of the Outgoing” and Self-Expression on the Internet
From here, I would like to discuss the era when the internet resembled a kind of “village society,” using the personal media such as “text sites” and “USTREAM” mentioned in their conversation as clues. From the late 1990s to the early 2000s, while the internet was becoming widely popular, it was still a closed space where many users were concentrated in a limited demographic. As a result, self-expression online naturally formed groups of individuals with similar values, developing into a highly literate “village.” In this environment, personal characteristics and preferences were strongly reflected, with simple and personal content like text and early game commentary at the forefront.
In their dialogue, Tarochin and Shiohigari frequently express their self-awareness of “us, the introverts, imitating the extroverts.” During their time, the internet was often seen as a “shadowy place” by mainstream society, and as they sought self-expression within it, they brought in the atmosphere of camaraderie and playful banter among friends. However, this was not merely imitation; it was also a means for them to establish their unique identities. In the online space, detached from physical locations, the impulse to “express what they love” took shape, leading to the subsequent cultures of YouTubers, VTubers, and streamers.
Moreover, the concept of “collaboration” was often avoided at that time, symbolizing the internet’s atmosphere. As a personal expression space, the respect for non-interference from others was paramount, whereas today’s internet is predicated on collective activities and interactions with large followings. The transition from a culture that valued privacy and individuality to one that seeks collaboration and mass appeal is evident.
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### The Opening of the Internet and the Disappearance of Undergroundness
Their discussion about “the advent of smartphones turning the internet into a battleground” highlights the changes that occurred as the previously closed online spaces expanded and user demographics diversified. With the rise of social media, the internet became accessible to the general public, transforming from a “place for introverts” to one where “extroverts also participate.” This change blurred the once-clear boundaries between clusters, reducing the internet to merely “the internet,” which has led to feelings of alienation among former internet users. Their words reflect a nostalgia for the time when the internet served as an “underground expression space” for a select few.
Tarochin and Shiohigari position themselves as “internet elders,” expressing their longing for the past. There is a sense of sadness in their acknowledgment that the “way of life on the internet” they cultivated is losing its place in today’s massified internet.
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### “Triggers that Block the Heart” and “The Unchanged Self”
Having faced the brink of life and death, Tarochin continues to confront his values, revealing thoughts on life that emerge after contemplating death, as well as the importance of daily life that one realizes only after loss. His discovery that he has not changed significantly despite overcoming a life-threatening situation adds a unique depth to his words.
It is symbolic that Tarochin describes alcohol not merely as a preference but as a “trigger that blocks the heart.” He relied on alcohol to cut off the chains of daily anxiety and thought, but this reliance was abruptly severed due to illness. Experiencing a life-threatening situation and surviving, the sudden “disappearance” of alcohol, which had been a given in his life, left his heart in a state of emptiness. He expresses this as “becoming empty,” and this sense of loss may have prompted a realization of the need for “self-redefinition.”
On the other hand, his assertion that “the unchanged self” is also striking. Generally, people are expected to undergo dramatic changes in their outlook on life after facing death. However, he firmly states that “nothing has changed.” He explains that the very fact that one’s views on life and death do not change significantly is part of “human essence,” a perspective that diverges from commonly held societal beliefs.
Additionally, as Tarochin expresses his determination to restart as a freelancer, his approach to confronting anxiety is intriguing. Freelancing often leads to economic instability and a loss of life security, living in constant proximity to risk. While he feels this anxiety, he seeks freedom and self-actualization in exchange for his commitment to work, viewing it as “a new way of living gained from losing his pancreas.”
Conversely, Shiohigari adheres to a lifestyle of thoroughly confronting anxiety, which can sometimes strengthen him mentally but may also pose a significant burden.
In summary, throughout this recording, while Tarochin speaks of having “changed nothing” after surviving the brink of death, he has actually gained new insights in the form of “reaffirming his position.” This rediscovery may mark the beginning of his new journey and serve as a foundation for weaving his future.
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(Written by Yuki Sakoda)
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